Math

Math and I have a complicated relationship. I mean, I'll politely say ‘hi’ if we run into each other at parties, but I quickly disengage and pretend to see someone I absolutely have to talk to. I've had to have a few late-night, sloppy 'I love you, man' conversations with it lately, though, because my son is navigating math, and he has to pass the IGCSE (or some other combination of letters). Someone had to help, and that someone is me, no matter how poorly qualified I am for the job.

The fact is, he was struggling, and his teachers weren't making much progress. They just kept saying, 'Practice more,' but I could see it was frustrating him and adding to the confirmation bias of 'I can't do this / I don't get this.' Polynomials and puberty are a horrible soup, and I get that the teachers didn't have the time to dig deeper, but his self-efficacy was taking direct hits at a time when so many other things threatened to undermine it.

I sat down to help and I could see that he was 'flailing'. It's like sparring with a white belt in Jiu-Jitsu. It's the time you're most likely to get hurt on the mat because beginners move nonsensically and apply force where it's unnecessary. They react but don't think about what's happening or plan a strategy - they squirm, strike, struggle, and tire themselves out (not burning white belts, we've all been there). There's no offense because they don't even have a defense - when their defense becomes effective and automatic, then we've got ourselves a sparring match.

I realized that my son was distracted by the actual math - adding, subtracting, multiplying, and dividing. Every time he stopped to perform these tasks, he lost track of the steps he was learning and then panicked. Everything he did after that was a self-conscious race to the end.

So, no pen, no paper, I set up a bunch of equations and said, 'No math, just talk me through it. What would you do first? and then?' When he learned all the steps, we did the addition, subtraction, division, and multiplication. After he could solve the equation with the basic math, we spent fifteen minutes a day solving the same equations until he remembered the steps and the basic math. I then tweaked each known equation slightly. I just changed a couple of numbers or variables. Finally, I started introducing new equations and asked him if he recognized any steps or patterns from what he already learned. Eureka! The math is now mathing.

Why am I preoccupied with polynomials? Because a healthy day is like an equation to solve and we need to understand the steps. We're overwhelmed by the amount of information and external feedback we're getting, and it's left us flailing. We dive into the day, moving numbers around without first understanding what variable we're solving for. Are you focused on more veggies? more movement? prehab/rehab? Gut health? Exposure to nature? Social Engagement? Brain health? Emphatically yes! You say - all of it! I'm doing all of it!

I appreciate the enthusiasm, but it will probably leave you flailing, and when you're flailing, you aren't thinking. Further, it leaves you feeling less and less confident as none of your actions solve the problem or make a difference on the mat (whichever metaphor we're sticking with). Learn each step, and figure out the workarounds when you encounter obstacles. Solve it over and over, and then move to the next step. Will it take longer? Actually, no. And that's because flailing without thinking never leads to skill acquisition. It just makes you really good at flailing.